According to a recent survey, 3.3 million men in Britain wear cosmetic products, that’s one in seven men apparently.  I suspect the maths are off a bit, as by my reckoning, that makes the current UK male population 23.1 million (look I’m an accountant, I can’t help myself, mmmkay?), and that can’t be right.  Anyway, I’m digressing, as  I find this statistic amazing.  According to the same survey, the top ten products used by men in the UK are:

1.      Hair dye (30%)

2.      Eye creams (28%)

3.      Anti-ageing products (23%)

4.      Eye liner (21%)

5.      Fake tan (19%)

6.      Concealer (18%)

7.      Face powder (16%)

8.      Nail varnish (15%)

9.      Lipstick (13%)

10.   Mascara (12%)

Now, what I want to know is, WHERE ARE THESE MEN?

I mean, I’ve spent the best part of four years trying to convince Mr Lippie to even look at a moisturiser, and now he’ll only countenance the really expensive top-of-the-range stuff – my own fault, the life of a beauty blogger is an odd one, filled with samples of all kinds of things, and some of the stuff I’ve passed over his way over the last year and a bit has been a bit cheap and nasty.  Turns out he’s a high-maintenance soul underneath it all.  Dammit!  And the one time I convinced him to try guyliner, he reacted like I was trying to poke him in the eye with sharpened sticks!  Oh …

Anyway, my point being that I never see men in lipstick and mascara in my office.  Okay, I’m an accountant, but I’m a funky one (stop laughing at the back), and I work in the media.  If you’re going to see guys in makeup, then it’s my industry you’re going to see them in.  Innit?

The one thing that worries me about that little list is the hair dye being at the top of it.  It makes me think of those creepy Grecian 2000 adverts where the guy’s kids try to get their dad a date, and themselves a new mommy, all in badly-dubbed creepovision.  Grecian 2000 is not an aphrodisiac, guys.  No really, it’s not.  Neither is Lynx, actually, but more about that anon.

Apparently, some of the men interviewed would wear all of these products every day. Even I don’t do that, and I, as you might well know, have a girly beauty blog to keep up.  In fact the only man I can think of who can carry this little lot off on a daily basis would be Eddie Izzard, and I suspect he only wears the lot because he’s dealing with the fact that he’s a natural redhead (don’t ask how I know), and he’s overcompensating somewhat.  Maybe Boy George, but I don’t fancy him so he doesn’t count.

Oh, and the top two places to meet men in makeup?  London (not really a surprise there), and Wales.  That’s right.  Wales.  So … many … jokes … so … little … time ….

So, how groomed are you?

Next time: Body hair.  Er … male body hair, that is…